I hate emotions! I wish I were just numb from everything…..I’d rather feel nothing at all than feel pain. What is my problem? I feel so effed up. Everything I do fails; people don’t wanna see me, and if they don’t they’re wrong— why would anyone wanna see me? I’m just a huge mess. Heavy on the HUGE. :’( 

I don’t deserve love. So why do I long for it? Why is it that what I want is ignored but what they want is always what they get? I’m not talking about the world. Just my babe, who I’m not allowed to publicly call “babe”…….